Past Creative TIME Rewards Us In the Future with Truths About Our ‘Selves’   Leave a comment

After reading a response from Kingyo in our Kiss Ass Magickal Goddess course when I had written about how it had been so hard in ‘Following Through’ with my Intentions and Goals in life that are so easy to set forth but not put the effort in that moment to ‘just DO’, and admitting that I was one of the worst Procrastinators around (yes, I am TRUE to myself that way, I can admit what I need to change in my Self! and for myself!), she’d replied:  “…..procrastination sometimes produces the wildest opportunities for the Now.” 

Her response about procrastination really got me thinking back in TIME about how I had been rewarded with finding some ‘Truths’ about my Self that had taken a loooooong time to manifest and show me later in my life.  Here’s my story…..:

I remember some years back when I’d gotten out of a bad relationship and was spending everyday after work going to a lake at one of our local Metro Parks on the way home.  I always found the water simply a place to contemplate on my life at, and had sat there each late afternoon just watching the ripples and waves on the water, the Sun as it set, and left after it had just gotten dark and the Moon would appear in the Sky with studded Stars around it.  

One night it had brought back memories of my high school days when I loved Art of all kinds, writing, drawing, painting, interior design…and remembering about how the ‘Spark’ in me died when I’d received a FAIL on my very last Art Sketch we did in the drawing of a ‘Still Art’ project.  I had remembered feeling depleated and incomplete that I didn’t get a PASSING grade when I thought that was the best piece of art I’d done in that class for the entire year.

I had thought back about what my teacher had told me why I hadn’t gotten that PASSING grade and remember her saying something to the effect that I was watching more of what I was sketching on paper rather than sketching more while looking at what I was drawing on the still art table.  To my knowledge, I guess I was drawing more of what the object ‘was’ on the still art table rather than what I ‘felt’ from it.

Sitting under the night sky at the beach, I began thinking about that, and had always thought that Art was about being Creative, the Abstract rather than Concrete facts.  I had not put my Self into that sketch, I had rather wanted it to look exactly like what it looked like.  I felt I had to ‘analyze’ and make things perfect — just like what I was doing at the beach; I was trying to figure out what had went wrong in my relationship and wanted to ‘fix’ it so that it was back to normal again!

It’s funny how something triggers your mind years later in a single moment — and at that moment, I just wanted to let it all go.  Set my relationship free of strings.  Remembered what I had learned through it.  And move on like a Free Wild Spirit.  It was what it was, I could not change it.  I could only change me for the better.  And just LIVE.  So I had decided I wanted to free myself from those past tangles of wanting my artwork to be ‘perfect’ and couldn’t wait the next day at the beach to bring my sketch book and pencils with me to just Draw.  I’d even hid my Eraser so that I wouldn’t use it if I felt I made any mistakes, lol.  

The next day returning to my spot at the beach, I sat and started out at the lake.  There were a few Sailboats bobbing in the water, just like the feeling of my life at that very moment bobbing up-and-down, and I just drew.  As I skteched, I tried very hard in not making any rash decisions on how I wanted the drawing to come out like, I just flowed with my feelings with a cleared mind.  

Looking at what I’d done on paper after I’d finished, I realized that it wasn’t the perfect picture, didn’t look anything like the Sailboat in the water, a few things in the picture were not what I had actually seen when I was sketching — but that of what I’d ‘seen’ in my Mind’s Eye as I had been drawing.  I had finally understood the concept of what my teacher in high school had been trying to tell me about Still Art Drawing!  Wow.  

The final production of my Sailboats on the Water had been a drawing of my feelings and emotions, I had thrown myself into this sketch with an open-mind and an open-heart… was part of one of many Journeys along the way on my Spiritual Path which led me to the next stage of change in my life in that moment of time.

The Moon shone brightly that night as it rose in the Sky, and the Stars studded my life with love and compassion for my SELF once again.  

I didn’t feel like I had to analyze or perfect or complete anymore.  I was one of those Shining Stars and just let my Self BE as I was…..


)O( Indigenous Shamanic Winds xo


Posted September 7, 2012 by Shami in Uncategorized

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