I was always the one who was quiet and observant when I grew up and didn’t exactly ‘follow’ the crowd — but if was accepted into something I was right there along with them, doing what they did, saying things that were cool, imitating their moves and actions. Yet when I realized that when they did things I didn’t like or think was right, I stayed quiet, excused myself from the crowd, and veered away and found I loved being alone in my own world.
It wasn’t that I was ‘lonely’, which I never was — just alone, and I loved that feeling of having the freedom thinking and making decisions on my own, not having to be like others and accepted for who I pretended to be and not for who I really was. I would play a lot by myself, or take long walks outside in the woods, or would cuddle up and write stories and be in my own little world. Some of it was pure imagination and daydreaming of how I wanted to be, but being able to talk to myself and answer myself, I found a lot of it turned itself into the reality of who I am.
Many of my darker Shadows remained in silence, I would not speak up for myself at times, but would know what was right and what I had to do at that moment in my life to move past the pains and hurts and angers of others when I wasn’t following the crowds. Most people in this situation would feel like an outcast; I just accepted the way I was and if others liked me for who I was, that was good, and I felt I could open up and be honest with my feelings and emotions with them. If they took it upon to hate or dislike me for being who I am, I felt hurt that they could not be them selves and prayed that they’d eventually see the light in their own lives that they had to fix to become better people and their real Selves.
Sometimes in my life now, I see crowds and become the Shadow of them. I love watching and observing what they do and how they react to others — and look deep inside my own Self and change what I need to in me. So the Shadows in one’s life is not always a bad thing. It’s getting through and communicating with them that’s the challenge — and knowing that it’s not the ‘destination’ of where I want to go, but the Journey of the road that leads me to where I am.
Blessings of Shadows,
)O( Indigenous Shamanic Winds xo
Opening the Doorway of Creativity! 
Love the photo and the Einstein quote ~ I can certainly relate to what you say ~ (have always been swimming upstream) ~ love who I am ~ but do feel lonely at times ~ thanks for being you ~ (A Creative Harbor)
Welcome, atrmusedog — I found the photo on Facebook and thought at the time just how true the words spoke to me. Lol, you don’t have to be a genius like Albert Einstein in knowing that when we travel and swim into places anew to us alone, that we are in true connection with becoming more of our Selves rather than becoming one that follows the crowd. I have looked at it also as we come into this world alone, we travel this world alone, and go out the same way — but we must try not be lonely, for others’ around us are always teaching us more about our Selves.
I love how you have shared yourself and the Self BEhind and BEyond the one anyone else can truly see.
Thank you, Currie 🙂 Yes, indeed, BE. When we are, nobody else sees what we do, but in their own perception of how they feel to be true. Blessings xo.